Carnations and Self-Deprecation...I guess those go hand in hand?

"I was thinking you could carry carnations," my mother remarked the other day when discussing my Maid-of-Honor bouquet. "Or I could just carry a sign that says 'Hi, I'm tacky,' I silently shot back.

Ah, the popular "humor the bride" attitude. It's the reason undeserving, victimized bridesmaids end up wearing 42 pounds of chiffon and taffetta while walking down the aisle on the arm of some chump named Bubba who hasn't showered in a year. It is virtually impossible to maintain any semblance of dignity in a situation like this, I am sure.

I wouldn't wear the 42 pound (It's really GIVE or take a few pounds)dress, and I certainly won't carry carnations. Carnations are for instant breakfast shakes or baby formula, not Maid-of-Honor bouquets (or any other bouquets, for that matter). Besides, I already let her have her hippy looking crown of flowers- heck, I even made the frickin' thing! A girl has to have limits. I broke the news as gently as possible (it WAS a bit heart wrenching to see her face fall when I informed her that I despise carnations- I left the tacky part out), and stood my ground (I will say that it went better than the "mom jeans debacle"). I think we're going with the gerber daisies and I am understandably relieved. Those will compliment my sexy little dress very nicely.

In case your powers of deduction aren't exactly top notch, my mom is getting remarried this weekend. I really liek the guy she's marrying, even if his family is a little...down south without actually being from the south...I may be harboring residual resentment at being excluded from the bachelorette shindig his sisters had (and told me countless times they'd call me about), but I promise that I will let it go before seeing those off-the-rack from sears circa 1992 sporting women at the wedding. No, really. Serenity...

On another note (and apparently with no graceful seque from the previous paragraph), i've been thinking a lot about this lately, and I just don't get it. I really and truly don't. Why is it that we're so quick to compliment others, but when it comes to seeing the good in ourselves- be it internal or external, our nice side hits the road and we take out boxing gloves, ready to go Mike Tyson on our own asses. (Just for the record, there are alot of things I don't get, but in the interest of saving time and for today's topic, we'll just focus on this one). I say this not only becasue I see others doing it to themselves, I see ME doing it to MYSELF. I'm so self-deprecating sometimes that it pains me to reiterate it here, but it sort of helps me prove my point, so i'll share. I've been known to say things to myself like, "You're too fat to live," and "Fat ass," and a virtual smorgabord of other horrible insults. I criticize every single aspect of myself and frankly, I am my own worst critic. The only good thing is that there is probably nothing that anyone can say about me that I haven't already thought about myself, so I really don't care what others say about me anymore.

So why do we do this? Why are we women so damn critical of ourselves? Can't we cut ourselves a break?? I mena, I know that there are good things about me. I KNOW that i'm not fat. I'm not a complete dog, I'm in good shape, I have fantastic willpower, I'm a STRONG person, and I have completely changed my life in the face of some really tough circumstances. I have no answers. I don't know why I do this to myself. But I am trying to be kinder to myself...and I think it's really working.

We all need to learn to treat ourselves with the respect that we so richly deserve, no matter what size we are.