The shorts aversion.
I hate shorts. Absolutely despise them. I wore them for volleyball in college solely because it was mandatory(NCAA rules- can you say CONTROLLING?), but other than that I really haven't worn them since about the seventh grade. I am honestly not sure why (get ready for a dazzling display of modesty), since I know that I have really long, muscular legs, but they make me horribly uncomfortable. Today is my Reggae Run and since it's about 90 bajillion (that's only a slight exaggeration) degrees here in Boston today, I knew my usual pants/capris wouldn't cut it, and I headed begrudgingly to the store, resigned to my fate.
Now, trying on shorts, for me, is the equivalent of trying on bathing suits for most women. I tried to pick out the least offensive looking pairs (i.e. ones that didn't look like half of a 1982 gym uniform), growing more and more agitated with every pair I saw. At the height of my frustration, as I was looking at some reflective (yes, that's right, these babies glowed in the dark) one of the "crunchy" guys who works there came over to "help me." I should explain that I was in R.E.I., an outdoors/adventure store (because it is right near where I work), where most of the staff looks like they either should be out hiking and communing with nature, or are spaced out and hiking in their minds (having been communing with their local pot dealer). I declined his help, sure that he had probably never seen a woman naked, let alone possessed the ability to help one pick out something as intimidating as a pair of shorts.
I was mulling over the options in my hand when I spotted it. It was as if the heavens opened down and rained celestial light on them. An "athletic skirt." This bad boy had it all- shorts UNDERNEATH, and a cute, flirty little skirt on the outside. I.E. It was stylish AND functional. Usually I have to settle for stylish and barely functional. I was frightened i'd have to settle for functional and horrifically unstylish and ghastly. I think metaphorically speaking, I could liken the skirt to biting into a coconut chocolate in your Valentine's candy box- fantastic on the outside and disgusting on the inside. The rotten shorts were concealed and everyone knows I am more than comfortable in a little mini skirt- and this isn't even all that mini!
Triumphant, I tried on the skirt. It fit like a dream, was wonderfully comfortable, and I didn't feel like running behind a 6'7 man to hide myself. The catch? It looks somewhat as though I've just "popped 'round for a game of tennis." I stood there for a good five minutes in that skirt, posing like a madwoman and trying to decide if I wanted to sacrifice my comfort for the sake of what everyone else will think. When I put it that way, I peeled it off, marched up to the register (ok, I DID put my own pants back on first!), and purchased that bad boy. Today, I'm going to be able to focus on the run and NOT on what my thighs are looking/feeling like.
The lesson, kids? It's just fine to dare to be a little different. And you know what? I guarantee that the guys running behind me will like it just fine.
Now, trying on shorts, for me, is the equivalent of trying on bathing suits for most women. I tried to pick out the least offensive looking pairs (i.e. ones that didn't look like half of a 1982 gym uniform), growing more and more agitated with every pair I saw. At the height of my frustration, as I was looking at some reflective (yes, that's right, these babies glowed in the dark) one of the "crunchy" guys who works there came over to "help me." I should explain that I was in R.E.I., an outdoors/adventure store (because it is right near where I work), where most of the staff looks like they either should be out hiking and communing with nature, or are spaced out and hiking in their minds (having been communing with their local pot dealer). I declined his help, sure that he had probably never seen a woman naked, let alone possessed the ability to help one pick out something as intimidating as a pair of shorts.
I was mulling over the options in my hand when I spotted it. It was as if the heavens opened down and rained celestial light on them. An "athletic skirt." This bad boy had it all- shorts UNDERNEATH, and a cute, flirty little skirt on the outside. I.E. It was stylish AND functional. Usually I have to settle for stylish and barely functional. I was frightened i'd have to settle for functional and horrifically unstylish and ghastly. I think metaphorically speaking, I could liken the skirt to biting into a coconut chocolate in your Valentine's candy box- fantastic on the outside and disgusting on the inside. The rotten shorts were concealed and everyone knows I am more than comfortable in a little mini skirt- and this isn't even all that mini!
Triumphant, I tried on the skirt. It fit like a dream, was wonderfully comfortable, and I didn't feel like running behind a 6'7 man to hide myself. The catch? It looks somewhat as though I've just "popped 'round for a game of tennis." I stood there for a good five minutes in that skirt, posing like a madwoman and trying to decide if I wanted to sacrifice my comfort for the sake of what everyone else will think. When I put it that way, I peeled it off, marched up to the register (ok, I DID put my own pants back on first!), and purchased that bad boy. Today, I'm going to be able to focus on the run and NOT on what my thighs are looking/feeling like.
The lesson, kids? It's just fine to dare to be a little different. And you know what? I guarantee that the guys running behind me will like it just fine.
posted by Jenny @ 9:24 AM
1 Comments:
At 10:12 AM,
Christie @ Honoring Health said…
I hate shorts, too, Jenny. I think they make my short legs look even shorter and they make my knees look knobby. Good for you for rockin the the sporty skirt. I have seen those, I should probably invest in a pair.
:) Beadie
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